As a therapist, both in my personal and professional life, I get asked what is one tid bit or piece of advice I could pass on to someone. As many of my friends would know, a common quote they have often heard me say during times of internal crisis is “do nothing, see what happens”.
While on the surface, this might not sit well with you. It might seem passive, lacking in direction and meaning, or simply just seem silly. I promise you, this piece of wisdom is rooted in mental wellness. Let me explain.
One thing I attempt to teach my clients is the importance of finding space between a stimulus and their response. That is, between the thing that triggers you, be it an off- tone text from a friend or conflict at work, and your response to that stimulus is where you find space. For many people, the trigger and response happen within a nano second and often automatically seemingly not within your control. However, if we can build space between the stimulus and our response, we create opportunities to change and growth. This is not a new concept, in fact Viktor Frankl suggested that this is where free will comes from. He wrote “Between stimulus and response is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom”.
So, what his happening in this “space”? Well, it could be that you are sitting with your emotions for a minute allowing yourself to process. You might be rethinking your initial perception of the situation or allowing yourself time to process your thoughts and emotions. You are generating an array of different responses, recognizing your feelings and thoughts, taking into consideration different perspectives, practicing acceptance and mindfulness. And once a person can do this, you are also developing your psychological or cognitive flexibility and your power to choose.
For some therapeutic modalities, psychological flexibility is the cornerstone of mental health and wellness. For others, the focus of therapy is on the opposite of flexibility, psychological inflexibility or rigidity. The association of rigidity to many different constructs is well established, including depression, anxiety, relationship satisfaction, body image, low self-esteem, and burnout; just to name a few. Psychological therapies have a long tradition of focusing on reducing negative symptomology and alleviating distress rather than increasing the positive opposite. Psychological flexibility, by definition, is the ability to be present, mindful, and respond to situations in a way that is value and goal directed. Increased psychological flexibility is associated to mental health through increased self-compassion, generating positive responses, overall satisfaction and mental wellness.
So next time something happens that causes you pain or distress. Rather than turning yourself inside out searching for the right response, the correct course of action, or to immediately problem solve. Do the hard thing; sit back, do nothing, and see what happens. And in doing so, you build the space you need to respond in a manner that best serves you. While at the same time, allowing for more information to emerge in the fullness of time that helps you to maintain a valued course of action.
If this resonates with you, book an appointment with one of our mental health team members and start to learn how to build space and improve psychological flexibility.
Be well.